A somber day at the high school.

surreal, like walking around in a movie.

Friday night at midnight, two young men collided on their dirbikes without helmets or headlights. one was a fifteen year old student at my school. the other was a nineteen year old former student. both died. this morning, about three am, a senior in high school and girlfriend of the older boy threw herself in front of a moving car on highway 92. she was also killed.

It seemed like half the student body donned orange and black in honor of the younger of the two boys- these were the colors of his dirtbike. the halls were eerily quiet during passing periods, and classes seemed empty. the conference room was full of teenagers and teachers, counselors and administrators; some inconsolable.

it made me think back to the first person my age to die suddenly. i didn't even know her all that well. we were in the same class, we'd spoken a few times here and there. i can't explain why i felt so bad when she died, but i can only imagine it was something like seeing my own mortality- i was 14 at the time and death was something that happend to some old lady that would send me $5 on my birthday. but then it was real and right in front of me. the last thing i'd said to her was, "see you next year!" she didn't come back after winter break. her parents were driving on an icy road and lost control. three children died in that car, both parents lived. i always thought about them after that. i always wondered what what happend to them. how did they survive losing all their children? like i said, i never really knew the family all that well.

I haven't thought about her in ages. but i thought about her today. and about all the kids who now have experience with death that they might not have had before. i thought of the girl who was so sad at losing two of her best friends she could not go on without them. i thought of the person driving the car that struck her and what would become of them.

So! I have now debuted my new 1915 dress. That is me, to the right, in black and pink. if you can see the little tiny reticule (purse) on my left arm, that is the one bought in bisbee with my girls when they came to see me last month. (I wanted to post photos of that outing, as well as an entire blog, but was having computer troubles and the photos wouldn't upload and i got mad and gave up. then the lightning blew up my computer and then it took a while to get all my pictures off the old hard drive. good thing i'm married to computer genius!) I am pictured here with the other vigilettes getting ready for a fashion show. To my right is a lady i only met that day and she lives in tucson and is an honorary member. Next to her is last year's high vigilette- she's a bit bossy (note the severe bangs) to her left (in the blue) the only vigilette newer than me (note the raspberry) to her right, the current high vigilette, (directing the show) and in the front the ex-high vigilette's granddaughter who was in the show that weekend and was precious. you can't see well in the photo, but she has an original victorian toy buggy with an original victorian doll inside. the girl did well in the show, she even showed the people her little white gloves and her pantaloons.

the vigilettes do fashions from 1880-1915, but all the ladies do 1880's-90's. i am the only one so far to venture into the 20th century. this is my first attempt! My next adventure involves a 1907 spectator coat with a long eduardian skirt and a really big hat! also, stay tuned, there will be a vigilettes calendar coming out very soon. i am slated to be in four of the photos!

In about a week and a half, i will again begin attending graduate classes. I already have a BA in English, a teaching credential in California and in Arizona, and now i will be embarking on my next adventure. I am going to obtain a masters degreee in "community counseling" which means at the end of the two year program i will be able to get a job as a practising therapist.

it's not that i don't love working with kids, or being a teacher, or wearing pencils in my hair instead of chopsticks, but to be honest, teachers aren't paid enough to deal with all the crap they put up with. i was making my college bulletin board and stapling up a calendar meant for college bound juniors and seniors. in the calendar there was a little chart which shows the average salaries of graduates of high school, 2-year college, 4 year university, and graduate school. as an arizona teacher with 6 years experience and a graduate degree, i fall right in between the high school graduate and the junior college experience. arizona is number 49 in the nation in teacher salary and education in general. we are followed only by arkansas. maybe i wouldn't have come to this decision if i had continued to live in california- maybe i would have at some point. everything happens for a reason...

which brings me to the conclusion that smart, young people will see the benefits of jumping careers at a time in their lives when they can still fathom full time school at night. i feel sad to be leaving teaching, this is what i thought i wanted to do. but i'm leaning that i'm so constriced by all the litigation, the lack of administrative support, the poor work conditions and the poorer state of our textbooks, technology, and supplies... I feel i could make a difference elsewhere (not to mention some actual salary... the lowest paid therapist is likely to make more than the highest paid teacher).