A somber day at the high school.

surreal, like walking around in a movie.

Friday night at midnight, two young men collided on their dirbikes without helmets or headlights. one was a fifteen year old student at my school. the other was a nineteen year old former student. both died. this morning, about three am, a senior in high school and girlfriend of the older boy threw herself in front of a moving car on highway 92. she was also killed.

It seemed like half the student body donned orange and black in honor of the younger of the two boys- these were the colors of his dirtbike. the halls were eerily quiet during passing periods, and classes seemed empty. the conference room was full of teenagers and teachers, counselors and administrators; some inconsolable.

it made me think back to the first person my age to die suddenly. i didn't even know her all that well. we were in the same class, we'd spoken a few times here and there. i can't explain why i felt so bad when she died, but i can only imagine it was something like seeing my own mortality- i was 14 at the time and death was something that happend to some old lady that would send me $5 on my birthday. but then it was real and right in front of me. the last thing i'd said to her was, "see you next year!" she didn't come back after winter break. her parents were driving on an icy road and lost control. three children died in that car, both parents lived. i always thought about them after that. i always wondered what what happend to them. how did they survive losing all their children? like i said, i never really knew the family all that well.

I haven't thought about her in ages. but i thought about her today. and about all the kids who now have experience with death that they might not have had before. i thought of the girl who was so sad at losing two of her best friends she could not go on without them. i thought of the person driving the car that struck her and what would become of them.