random musings...




i can't actually believe that i was an adult ten years ago. that you read in the news that some big thing happend ten years ago and i'm like, yeah, i remember that. whoa.

i still don't feel like an adult right now. today i wore a new pair of pants to work. they were pretty cool pants, but i thought they were, like, too cool for me. and the boots i paired them up with- even paris hilton would say, "that's hot." but i was too tired to change my mind, and it was only ONLY when i was walking up to the doors leading in to the school...

and the clackers were tittering all around me...

and i felt just like a kid again. all self conscious. like when i dressed up for halowe'en and went to school and sat in the car breathing just thinking "am i the only one!!??" are the clackers tittering at ME? or are they just doing what they do best...

and i had to remind myself that they were just doing what they do, and if i walked by, or did not walk by, or was not wearing fashionable new pants- they would go on tittering. and it had nothing to do at all with me- nothing but the something i put on it for myself...

so i held my head high and said "excuse me!" to the clackers standing in the door rather than sheepishly sliding by, invisible, like i did in high school.

those who know me know the bravado is only a front. those who know me know i have the ability to become invisible- to disappear and reappear.

and all beacause of the clackers i still hear, the clackers in my head, the ones that i remember and still see haunting high school halls to this day.

but i'm an adult- really i am. i have a badge to "prove it."